I thought I would have more time in the harvest field before the storm on the horizon reached me, but none the less, it’s here. More than I could have predicted, it tears at my soul. How am I back here? How am I not yet free from this storm?
But it’s different this time, different from the past storms. Strangely, I am unafraid. The rain pounds around me, while thunder and lightening threaten, yet I remain dry and unharmed. I notice a shadow around me. I look up to see giant dark wings covering me. Not mine, but His. And the feeling in my spirit, Peace.
I am not alone, and I do not struggle as in past storms. I used to battle my way through, attempting to use my own strength and knowledge to overcome, but not now. Now instead, I rest in the storm, what a juxtaposition this is to me. I am not concerned for my future, I know He has me in the shadow of His wings.
I ask Him; “Lord what would You have me do in this storm?” “Box up your heart, and let me handle the rest” He replies. And so I do, I put up the walls around my heart to guard it for this time, and I return to rest in Him.
As of late I find myself drawn to movies with pure heroines such as The Hunger Games, Divergent, and the recent Star Wars series. At first I watch them over and over not understanding why I am drawn to them, but now He shows me the reason.
In all these movies, the heroine has a pure heart, pursues justice, gives mercy, offers kindness, even in the midst of evil, even at the risk of their own life - they choose purity, good, and righteousness. This is what I desire to become. Pure, light, goodness, love.
As I’ve progressed through my journey over the last three years I have been refined. Removing every impurity through the fires of life’s trials. Each step treading closer to Him, looking like Him, sounding like Him, living in Him. Dying to myself so that He may live inside me fully alive. And now in this storm I feel and see the outcome of my labors. Nothing can harm me, nothing can steal my joy, nothing can remove me from His grasp.
I am safe, dry, warm, and at peace in the middle of a squall. I melt in gratefulness at His feet.
Under His wing canopy I sit in the soft grass with him, we face each other legs crossed like childhood friends sharing their imaginations with one another.
John 14:27 The Passion Translation (TPT)
“I leave the gift of peace with you—my peace. Not the kind of fragile peace given by the world, but my perfect peace. Don’t yield to fear or be troubled in your hearts—instead, be courageous!
I hold out my hands, wrists up, my palms closed. He opens my hands and says “When you let go of your grip, I’m able to place something inside.” He puts a soft, warm, ball of light into my hands. “What is this gift?” I ask. “Breathe it in” He instructs. I breathe in his light gift and it streams into my nostrils, through my lungs, out through my veins in my arms and throughout my body. I shine gold from the inside. “I give you peace in the storm” He says.
I am unafraid going into battle. I am at rest because I know the battle is already won. I don’t struggle or fight, I sit. Rest after 15 years of heartbreak and struggle, abuse, and abandonment. He cradles my heart now, all in the dark shadow of His wings. I feel embraced throughout the day, literally a presence wrapped around me.
I give up all control, it’s yours Lord.
“You’ve arrived” He says.
I’ve transcended, operating from spirit instead of body or soul. I control the atmosphere around me by becoming Love.
In his perfect timing, my daily learning consists of this video by Neville Johnson.
He is so good. My heart is overwhelmed by His pure love. He sings a lullaby over me, perfect for our harvest field during the storm. I had wondered why I loved this song so much from The Hunger Games. I play it over and over throughout the day. The words wash warm over me as I rest my head in his lap, under His wings, storm around me. As I close my eyes I notice in the distance, sunlight. The storm is passing, victory awaits. With a smirk of confidence on my mouth I shut my lids, head down to sleep.
And in the background I hear a scripture, softly for now but for some reason I know it will grow louder; “Deep calls out to deep.” I wait in excited anticipation for its arrival.