Fearless Freedom

If you’ve been keeping up with me over the last 3 years, you know life hasn’t been easy for me. But through all the trials and tribulations, one thing I can say about myself is that I am adaptable. It used to be one of my top 5 personality traits in my Gallup StrengthsFinder test, but after retaking twice over the last 12 years , it dropped to #13. In fact most of my top 5 traits shifted over time.

Here’s my top 5 as of 2016:

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My top 5 from 2014:

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My top 5 from 2007:

Looking back I can now easily see how the shift in my top 5 applied for the specific challenges I was facing in my life at those times. But now life is different…

Now I need to change, to adapt, the problem is I don’t know what I don’t know. Here’s what I mean by that. I had been in abusive and unfaithful relationships for half my life. That fact combined with my daddy issues I developed at an early age created extreme codependency in most areas of my life.

In my recent therapy session (Yes I go to therapy and so should every human being in my opinion!), my therapist revealed to me that codependency is an addition to control.

W.T.F.

I have been trying to control every aspect of my life out of fear. Fear of failure, abandonment, of the death of a dream, of the truth, of reality. I try to control those that I love because I feel I can see where their decisions are taking them. I try to control them to protect them, to protect our relationship, but really… to protect me.

“Oh my shit.” I say out loud to my therapist.

She hit the nail on the head. It’s so clear to me now. She challenges me to start living with my eyes wide open, to remove my rose colored glasses. See life for what it is, how it is, and let go of how I think it should be. “I’m terrified” I told her. “I know” she said “but you have to”. And so I did, and what is it like?

Fearless Freedom.

Suddenly I’m not afraid and not stressed out. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, how my relationships will continue or end, what my future holds, and I’m ok with it. This is a completely new world for me, a new way of life.

I am free from the responsibility I had placed on myself to have it all figured out.

I am no longer afraid of failure, what people think of me, what they say of me.

The load is lifted from my shoulders, I had it to God and the unknown, and trust…

Trust in Him to deliver me, trust in Him to protect me, trust in him to use the failures and tests to purify me.

Because that’s what life is, one big test.

I’ve lived half my life in abusive relationships, and while that has produced incredible resilience for me, it has also made me accustomed to living in abuse. The truth? I don’t know how to live in a normal non-abusive relationship. Because I don’t know what I don’t know. Ya know?

My fear, was based on what has happened in the past. My controlling, was based on what I thought would happen in the future…because of what happened in my past.

I have to start from the beginning, back to ground zero. I have to learn how to live and how to love without fear.

Fearless Freedom.

2 Timothy 1:7 The Passion Translation (TPT)

For God will never give you the spirit of fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love, and self-control.

Fear is of the enemy, it’s a spirit. I have accepted that spirit my entire life. But now give it back and give it up. I don’t want you or need you, you have no place in my life. Yet again, I work to become love, the most powerful force in the universe.

As part of becoming fearless, I did something that used to terrify me. I posted a video of me singing on IG. I stepped out of my comfort zone. So what if I was off key, so what if I messed up the words, so what if people critiqued and judged me? So what if I failed?

Living without codependency, control, and fear, is so freeing. I can’t believe I’ve missed out on living like this for the last 17 years of my life. I have no doubts each week will bring new revelation and freedom for me.

Now I look to the future unsure but unafraid. I trust in myself and God to get me through. I look at the failures as opportunities to learn and grow. I thank my failures for their purpose and release them from my grasp.

I am fearless, and I am free.

taylor Golden
Failure/Success

One year ago today I announced my retirement from my 12 year long career in photography. While it was one of the hardest and most baffling decisions I’ve had to make, it was undoubtedly the right one. 

Everyone who learns my story and hears all the wonderful things my previous career did for me, such as photographing the President and First Lady, traveling the world, working with sports celebrity’s, starting my own 6 businesses…they can’t understand why I would to leave all that behind.

While I love photography and appreciate all the places it has taken me over the last decade, it was time to move on. I yearned for something new and fresh, a new challenge, a new industry. That and God specifically told me “you’re done.” He doesn’t get much clearer than that! 😂 

Now with a year behind me I have gained so much peace and clarity since making that decision. I had to let go of the comfortable known in exchange for the uncertain possibilities of the future. I swore I would never work for someone else after running my own businesses...never say never!

Low and behold I found myself back in dreaded corporate America, however it turned out to be actually kind of wonderful. The company I work for is called Insperity (www.Insperity.com). It’s founded on faith and empathy for business owners. We help small, medium, and large businesses grow by becoming their strategic silent partner. We take all the ugly, boring, and burdensome parts of running a business, such as HR, bookkeeping, compliance, payroll, 401k, and a myriad of other duties, allowing business owners to focus on making more money, which in turn helps their surrounding communities prosper. (I certainly wish I had known about them a decade ago for my own businesses!)

This article can explain it much more articulately than I : https://seekingalpha.com/article/4270232-insperity-shreds-veil-doubt?source=2800:headline&dr=1

I LOVE this company, I love going to work every day, I love the passionate and kind people I work with. After being hired, my management worked hard to find a position that best suited my strengths- they worked around me to set me up for success. This resulted in my current position; Strategic Marketing Manager of Client Engagement. I am exactly where I belong. All of my background, running businesses, customer service and marketing skills are being combined and utilized. I truly feel like I am making a difference in the world. And what’s more, Insperity STILL encourages their employees to pursue their passions, find work life balance, and even start their own side businesses outside of work. They empower and enable success. I never thought I could enjoy working this much, especially working for someone else! One of the best parts is the mysterious work life balance thing. Something business owners don’t get much of. I clock out at 5pm and I’m DONE! No more working til 2am, on holidays, stressing about employees, just done. It’s so beautiful.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved running my own businesses. Photography served me well for a decade, I achieved my goals and got everything I wanted out of it. It served its purpose in my life for the time appointed. But that time ran out, and that’s my point. Just because something is right for you at one time in your life, doesn’t mean it’s right for at every moment in your life. I’m sure some folks on the outside looked at my retirement as quitting, couldn’t make it, as failure.

Society tends to only celebrate the success, and not the journey.

What is failure? What is success? It’s different for every person. YOU get to define it.

Here is what society sees, a picture of success. Impressive right?

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But here is reality, here is the ugly brutal journey behind that “success”. It’s not so glamourous.

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This brings me back to my question. What is success? By all of society’s measures, I had achieved success in my twenties. Successful business owner, married, wealthy, talented. However I had no life outside of work, was becoming sicker and sicker, was unhappy, in a toxic relationship, and deep down inside, was unhappy. Is that success?

In my twenties, yes, I checked off the “successful” box in my life, I had made it. In my thirties, hell no, that is NOT success. After I lost all my wealth, businesses, my ex husband, my 6 bedroom home and fancy car, I was happier than I had ever been in my life, yet I was dead broke, living with my parents, unemployed, and single. Is that success? Yes.

Yes because I define my own success. And the definition at this point in my life is peace, balance, happiness, time with friends and family, and an empowering relationship with a man who refuses to quit on me. (Thank you Brian! <3)

Now let’s talk about failure. I used to look back on my life and shudder with shame at the obvious failures. But now I can face the past with gratitude and without shame. Yoda says it best…

As humans we naturally work to avoid pain, it’s in our nature. But pain produces purpose. Whether we like it or not, it shapes us. Failure is a teacher. It was only because of the pain I went through that I now know my purpose in life.  Failure becomes a gift because it shows us how we can do better not only for ourselves but for the world.

Failure = Resilience.

Unless you stop getting back up after being knocked down, in my opinion, you’re not a failure. Failure is not getting back up. As long as you keep getting back on your feet, you’re not a failure, you are resilient. It’s ok to fail, it’s not ok to give up.

You’ll never meet a success leader without failures. For example:

My personal hero, Nelson Mandela, was imprisoned for nearly 30 years, and afterwards became the president of his country and changed the face of a nation.

Bill Gates - Before building his empire, Gates started a business called Traf-O-Data which went nowhere and he dropped out of Harvard.

Thomas Edison - was told as a boy by his teacher that he was too stupid to learn anything and suggested he go into a field that did not require intelligence. He tried more than 9,000 experiments before he created the first successful light bulb. That’s a lot of failure.

Henry Ford - his first two car companies failed and left him broke.

Mark Cuban - Before making billions selling his company to Yahoo, Cuban failed at a variety of jobs. He failed as a carpenter, as a cook, as a waiter (he couldn't open a bottle of wine). He says of his failures, "I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how many times you failed. You only have to be right once. I tried to sell powdered milk. I was an idiot lots of times, and I learned from them all.”

Walt Disney - was fired by an editor because, "he lacked imagination and had no original ideas." His first animation company went bankrupt and it's said that he was turned down hundreds of times when he sought financing for Disney World. The Walt Disney company makes average revenue of U.S. $30 billion annually.

Oprah - was fired from her first TV job as an anchor in Baltimore.

Van Gogh – sold one painting in his lifetime to a friend.

Failure forces us to develop ourselves. We have to drop bad habits and pick up new and better ones to move forward. After so many failures, you actually become better at failing. You start failing faster and failing forward as our CEO Paul Sarvadi says. Failure makes you stronger, smarter, and more aware. After suffering from abuse for so long, I can now spot a narcissist from a mile away. That’s a skill I picked up from my failure. It provides me with protection for myself and those I love. It developed emotional intelligence that has served me not only personally, but professionally as well. I wouldn’t have this skillset without my failure.

Do not gloat over me, my enemies! For though I fall, I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light. - Micah 7:8

So what is failure? It’s not a person. YOU are not a failure, I am not a failure. We may have failed, but that does not make us failures. Leave that shame behind, honestly? No one cares about your failures as much as you. No one cares as much as you think they do.

What is success? It’s not wealth, status, or being popular. It’s what you define it to be for each stage of your life. Success for me is fighting for my marriage, work-life balance, time for myself and those I love, weekends on the beach, snuggling with our dogs, rebuilding our home, contributing to my company, and making the world a better place. This wasn’t always my definition of success, but that’s the beauty of life. It is what you make of it, good or bad, success or failure. It’s yours.

I have a vision board for what I want my life to look like to keep me focused and centered. It contains meditation, reading, wine, walking the dogs, toes in the sand, tickling my niece and nephew, nights out on the town with friends, singing, holding Brian’s hand, appreciating the skin I’m in, jazz music…etc. This is success for me as I define it for this time in my life.

Your failure is not final. Your success is not safety. But one thing they are for sure… yours.

taylor Golden
The Worst 4 Letter Word
 

Wait.

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W-A-I-T. I hate that word. It should really be considered profanity in my opinion. Maybe it has something to do with me being so bad at it. In my last post I shared specific instructions the Lord gave me. To wait, to rest, and let Him handle things. Did I listen? Of course not. SMH. I thought I knew the ultimate outcome, and so I did what I do best, not wait. take action. Surprise surprise I look like a fool and end up back where I started. This time I’ll listen…hopefully. Why is it as humans we struggle with following direction so much? Or is that just me?

A few days ago Jesus took me to a riverside in a beautiful valley. The water sparkled like diamonds. We were sitting on the banks underneath a large tree talking. “Where is this?” I asked. “This is the river of gladness. You lost your joy, but it’s ok because you came back to me, and I’ll always help you find it again.” He replied. And with that He shoved me in the water! He’s such a prankster.

He jumped in as well and we both began laughing hysterically as we began splashing each other. Joy, pure joy. We both climbed out of the water and I was shimmering light. “Ah there you are.” He said. I looked like me again, full of light and love.

Psalm 46:4 The Passion Translation (TPT)

God has a constantly flowing river whose sparkling streams
bring joy and delight to his people.
His river flows right through the city of God Most High,
into his holy dwelling places.

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen Jesus.” I spoke with my head hung like a disobedient child. “It’s ok, I’m used to my children not listening to me.” He replied with a smirk. “Yes, but I don’t want you to have to get used to that with me. I’m going to listen this time.” I assured Him and He responded with: “Good thing is I’ll give you another chance…and another, and another.”

I wrapped my arms around Him. There is nothing I can ever do to deserve such grace and mercy. “Let me bless you” He said as he bowed my head so that he could kiss the crown of it. As he did rainbow light spilled from His lips and washed over me.

The next day as I was getting ready for work He spoke to me; “It’s time to stop relying on your medicine.” Now that one is going to require major faith on my part since I’ve been taking hormones and vitamins since being diagnosed as premenopausal 7 years ago. “Ok,” I reluctantly answered, “but I fully expect to have no fatigue or withdrawal symptoms as a sign of my healing”. And this time I listened. Over night I stopped taking :

Testosterone

Thyroid

Progesterone

Antidepressants

Sensitol

Vitamin D, C, B complex

Omega 3

Zinc

And I actually feel great. God is so, so good. And of course, He sends me two messages to confirm. These fell right in line with what He is trying to teach me. Transitioning me to a new phase in life. But first, waiting.

Psalms 130:5-6 “I wait for the LORD,  my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.”

Bible Passages About Waiting

Psalms 27:13-14   I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

Psalms 37:34  Wait for the LORD and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; you will look on when the wicked are cut off.

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Isaiah 30:18   Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.

Isaiah 40:31   but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Lamentations 3:25   The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

Micah 7:7   But as for me, I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.


Read more:https://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/20-encouraging-bible-scriptures-on-waiting/#ixzz5qqDrcUEz

taylor Golden
Shadow Wings

I thought I would have more time in the harvest field before the storm on the horizon reached me, but none the less, it’s here. More than I could have predicted, it tears at my soul. How am I back here? How am I not yet free from this storm?

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But it’s different this time, different from the past storms. Strangely, I am unafraid. The rain pounds around me, while thunder and lightening threaten, yet I remain dry and unharmed. I notice a shadow around me. I look up to see giant dark wings covering me. Not mine, but His. And the feeling in my spirit, Peace.

I am not alone, and I do not struggle as in past storms. I used to battle my way through, attempting to use my own strength and knowledge to overcome, but not now. Now instead, I rest in the storm, what a juxtaposition this is to me. I am not concerned for my future, I know He has me in the shadow of His wings.

I ask Him; “Lord what would You have me do in this storm?” “Box up your heart, and let me handle the rest” He replies. And so I do, I put up the walls around my heart to guard it for this time, and I return to rest in Him.

As of late I find myself drawn to movies with pure heroines such as The Hunger Games, Divergent, and the recent Star Wars series. At first I watch them over and over not understanding why I am drawn to them, but now He shows me the reason.

In all these movies, the heroine has a pure heart, pursues justice, gives mercy, offers kindness, even in the midst of evil, even at the risk of their own life - they choose purity, good, and righteousness. This is what I desire to become. Pure, light, goodness, love.

As I’ve progressed through my journey over the last three years I have been refined. Removing every impurity through the fires of life’s trials. Each step treading closer to Him, looking like Him, sounding like Him, living in Him. Dying to myself so that He may live inside me fully alive. And now in this storm I feel and see the outcome of my labors. Nothing can harm me, nothing can steal my joy, nothing can remove me from His grasp.

I am safe, dry, warm, and at peace in the middle of a squall. I melt in gratefulness at His feet.

Under His wing canopy I sit in the soft grass with him, we face each other legs crossed like childhood friends sharing their imaginations with one another.

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John 14:27 The Passion Translation (TPT)

“I leave the gift of peace with you—my peace. Not the kind of fragile peace given by the world, but my perfect peace. Don’t yield to fear or be troubled in your hearts—instead, be courageous!

I hold out my hands, wrists up, my palms closed. He opens my hands and says “When you let go of your grip, I’m able to place something inside.” He puts a soft, warm, ball of light into my hands. “What is this gift?” I ask. “Breathe it in” He instructs. I breathe in his light gift and it streams into my nostrils, through my lungs, out through my veins in my arms and throughout my body. I shine gold from the inside. “I give you peace in the storm” He says.

I am unafraid going into battle. I am at rest because I know the battle is already won. I don’t struggle or fight, I sit. Rest after 15 years of heartbreak and struggle, abuse, and abandonment. He cradles my heart now, all in the dark shadow of His wings. I feel embraced throughout the day, literally a presence wrapped around me.

I give up all control, it’s yours Lord.

“You’ve arrived” He says.

I’ve transcended, operating from spirit instead of body or soul. I control the atmosphere around me by becoming Love.

In his perfect timing, my daily learning consists of this video by Neville Johnson.

He is so good. My heart is overwhelmed by His pure love. He sings a lullaby over me, perfect for our harvest field during the storm. I had wondered why I loved this song so much from The Hunger Games. I play it over and over throughout the day. The words wash warm over me as I rest my head in his lap, under His wings, storm around me. As I close my eyes I notice in the distance, sunlight. The storm is passing, victory awaits. With a smirk of confidence on my mouth I shut my lids, head down to sleep.

And in the background I hear a scripture, softly for now but for some reason I know it will grow louder; “Deep calls out to deep.” I wait in excited anticipation for its arrival.

Psalm 42:7 The Passion Translation (TPT)
My deep need calls out to the deep kindness of your love. Your waterfall of weeping sent waves of sorrow over my soul, carrying me away, cascading over me like a thundering cataract.
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Another Psalm 91 post from October 30 ___ More words from The Sponsor.jpeg
taylor Golden
Why I Stopped Going to Church

Of all the blogs I have written, I know THIS one is going to ruffle some feathers. Let’s dive in shall we?

I grew up in Houston, Texas as a church going choir nerd. I accepted Jesus as my savior at a young age. I wasn’t allowed to be friends with other kids that didn’t go to church. The first half of my adolescence took place in the southern baptist church, with the second half in non-denominational churches. I have wonderful memories from youth group and church. I’ve been on several missions trips, tithed regularly, and by all accounts, was a model Christian. From 20-30 years of age, I ran from God, denied Him, and never went to church. It wasn’t until I lost everything that I found Him again at Hope City church in Houston and nothing has been the same since.

Now I know that most people who read my posts about my experiences with Jesus probably think I’m a wackadoodle and are saying extra prayers for my mental health and that’s fine. Believe me, when my mother would share her experiences with me years ago, I thought she was crazy and/or seeking attention, so I completely expect others to think the same of me. I don’t blame or judge them at all.

With that being said I’ll step onto my soap box now.

I stopped going to church in 2017 for several reasons. I believe the “church” as we know it today; a big expensive building, a pastor, a worship team, etc, is NOT what God intended. I believe He meant for churches to be small groups in homes, and I believe He meant for US to be the church, not a formal assembly.

Now I am by NO means shaming or judging anyone who attends church, nor am I saying that churches are evil or wrong in general. I feel this is a personal decision for everyone and you have to do what feels right to you. Churches do amazing things in our community and for peoples lives, I am not discounting that.

Denominations

I think denominations have divided Christians. While one group of people, such as Pentecostals, might feel convicted to not wear makeup, others to not eat pork, or not drink - it does not mean that people who do partake in these things are wrong, yet this is what some denominational churches teach. These things are personal preferences and what the Holy Spirit is moving them to pay attention to, it does not mean that we should divide ourselves into groups of people who agree and disagree. Again this is dividing Christianity and segmenting people into groups that think and act alike instead of embracing others in love and living our lives by the conviction of the Holy Spirit for us individually.

1 Corinthians 9:20-22 The Passion Translation (TPT)

20 I became Jewish to the Jewish people in order to win them to the Messiah. I became like one under the law to gain the people who were stuck under the law, even though I myself am not under the law. 21 And to those who are without the Jewish laws, I became like them, as one without the Jewish laws, in order to win them, although I’m not outside the law of God but under the law of Christ. 22 I became “weak” to the weak to win the weak. I have adapted to the culture of every place I’ve gone[a] so that I could more easily win people to Christ.

501c3

I believe that when churches adopted the 501c3 status (which relieves the burden of paying taxes), they traded the covering of God for the covering of man. Under 501c3 the government has the right to sensor the messages spoken at churches. The church of satan, pedophile associations, and planned parenthood also operate under a 501c3 status.

When a church accepts the 501c3 status, that church:

  • Waives its freedom of speech.

  • Waives its freedom of religion.

  • Waives its right to influence legislators and the legislation they craft.

  • Waives its constitutionally guaranteed rights.

  • Is no longer free to speak to the vital issues of the day.

  • Becomes controlled by a spirit of fear that if it doesn’t toe the line with the IRS it will lose [revoke] its tax-exempt status.

  • Becomes a State-Church

  • http://www.goodnewsaboutgod.com/studies/spiritual/the_organized_church/501c3.htm

I believe that being co-mingled with organizations that defiantly go against the basic Word of God and harm, even kill people, has subjected the church as we know it, the leaders, and the congregation to the powers of darkness and the consequences that come with it. I believe things are being brought to light now such as sex scandals, fraud, and fakeness as evidence of evil influences having reign over the churches.

Old Testament Law

There are plenty of denominations of Christians out there that operate under Old Testament laws. Don’t eat pork, don’t wear makeup, tithe 10%, chanting prayers, sitting standing, etc. All works based, which saddens me because that’s living in bondage. God gave laws in the Old Testament to expose sin. These laws were made to help the people adopt the right ways to live and be. Then Christ died and His blood covered the law.

Galatians 5 The Passion Translation (TPT)

If you want to be made holy by fulfilling the obligations of the law, you have cut off more than your flesh—you have cut yourselves off from the Anointed One and have fallen away from the revelation of grace!

Romans 8

For God achieved what the law was unable to accomplish, because the law was limited by the weakness of human nature.[c]

Yet God sent us his Son in human form to identify with human weakness. Clothed with humanity, God’s Son gave his body to be the sin-offering so that God could once and for all condemn the guilt and power of sin. So now every righteous requirement of the law can be fulfilled through the Anointed One living his life in us. And we are free to live, not according to our flesh, but by the dynamic power of the Holy Spirit![d]

The law was replaced with grace. We no longer have to sacrifice animals and tithe to cleanse ourself before the Lord, Christ did all that for us. Then why does every church preach that God calls us to tithe? Because many churches have become businesses, and businesses need money to operate. Tithing was part of the law to teach people to put God before possessions, not to build mega new buildings.

A Warning Not to Love the World 1 John 2

15 Don’t set the affections of your heart on this world[q] or in loving the things of the world. The love of the Father and the love of the world are incompatible.[r16 For all that the world can offer us—the gratification of our flesh, the allurement of the things of the world, and the obsession with status and importance[s]—none of these things come from the Father but from the world. 17 This world[t] and its desires are in the process of passing away, but those who love to[u] do the will of God live forever.[v]

I believe God has called those that are able to give to help others, to do so. We should always place God above all things in life. Instead of tithing to a church, my family financially supports other families who are suffering and to missions - to me this is what He meant. This is christianity.

Romans 3:27 The Passion Translation (TPT)

27 Where, then, is there room for boasting? Do our works bring God’s acceptance? Not at all! It was not our works of keeping the law but our faith[a] in his finished work that makes us right with God.

Who’s the Teacher?

I have learned more in my few years of one on one time with Jesus than I ever learned in Church. Don’t get me wrong, for new Christians and children, church is great to learn the basics, meet other Christians, and learn how to adapt your lifestyle. But the church leaves out SO much vital and powerful information. We don’t NEED to go to church to learn, we should be doing that on our own with Jesus. Talking to Him every day, while doing the dishes, folding laundry, driving in your car. Constantly talking to Him and involving Him in your life.

The Bible says there is no need for anyone to keep teaching you. We’ve replaced the source of our information, instead of Christ, we’re looking to a man or woman to guide us. I can honestly say that by tuning into Him, pursuing Him, and by listening to the Holy Spirit, I feel confident that I will know how to address anything that comes my way.

1 John 2

26 I’ve written these things about those who are attempting to lead you astray. 27 But the wonderful anointing you have received from God[afis so much greater than their deception and now lives in you. There’s no need for anyone to keep teaching you.[ag] His anointing teaches you all that you need to know, for it will lead you into truth, not a counterfeit. So just as the anointing has taught you, remain in him.[ah]

Now don’t get me wrong, I still listen to messages on podcasts and YouTube. I do believe God gives others messages to share, just as He is guiding me to share this post now. These messages are great for inspiration, or providing a different perspective. Often times they bring me to my knees with conviction. However, I always check what I hear with my spirit for discernment. Ultimately the Lord is the filter for my ears to expose what is true and untrue. Often times it is HE who is leading me to find a message at exactly the time I need it - that’s one of the ways I know I’m in tune with Him.

This Realm is Not Reality

That’s right, I’m going Matrix on you. The spiritual realm is the real realm, not the physical that we experience day to day. Today most people live body first, mind second, spirit third. We care about our physical comforts, then our emotional needs, then our spiritual needs, when it should be in reverse. We are spirit beings, and should be living spirit first. This video I’m sharing by Neville Johnson explains it much better than I can, plus he has the most adorable accent. He’s a great resource if you’re looking to learn more about energy, living in the spirit, and tons more. Again check what you hear against your spirit (usually your gut feeling).

God is more than just a super old dude up in the clouds contrary to popular belief. He is a spiritual being made of pure energy which is love. When we accept Him, He lives in us and we in Him, literally. We have a force of pure love energy existing inside us, waiting to be tapped. And when we tap into that power, the possibilities are limitless. We are no longer subject to the physical realm, sickness, disease, or other physical and spiritual attacks. Now subject they are to us as long as long as it is God’s will.

Romans 8

Those who are motivated by the flesh only pursue what benefits themselves. But those who live by the impulses of the Holy Spirit are motivated to pursue spiritual realities.[eFor the mind-set of the flesh is death, but the mind-set controlled by the Spirit finds life and peace.

In fact, the mind-set focused on the flesh fights God’s plan and refuses to submit to his direction,[f] because it cannot! For no matter how hard they try, God finds no pleasure with those who are controlled by the flesh. But when the Spirit of Christ empowers your life,[g] you are not dominated by the flesh but by the Spirit. And if you are not joined to the Spirit of the Anointed One, you are not of him.[h]

10 Now Christ lives his life in you! And even though your body may be dead because of the effects of sin, his life-giving Spirit imparts life to you because you are fully accepted by God.[i11 Yes, God raised Jesus to life! And since God’s Spirit of Resurrection lives in you, he will also raise your dying body to life by the same Spirit that breathes life into you!

12 So then, beloved ones, the flesh has no claims on us at all, and we have no further obligation to live in obedience to it. 13 For when you live controlled by the flesh, you are about to die. But if the life of the Spirit puts to death the corrupt ways of the flesh, we then taste his abundant life.

By now I know you really think I’m crazy :) Again there are others that can explain better than I. Chris Blackeby has a great way of explaining living in the spirit and not being subject to the physical realm. Who is he? An accountant. Who am I? A marketing manager. Who is my mother? A stay at home mom. All of us who have ascended to this new way of living and revelation are not super christians or special. We are ordinary people living ordinary lives with an unordinary love for the Father.

You Aren’t Alone

Last week a woman I sit close to at work approached me; “Hey Taylor, I came across your blog and I sent it to my friend, because she has experiences like that too. She didn’t know if it was real or what do with it or if she was crazy, she’s so happy to hear there are others.”

There are TONS of people out there, men and women, having encounters and revelations with God. If you’re one of them, you are not alone and you are not crazy, well, I’m guessing about the crazy part :)

If you haven’t had an experience like the ones I’ve written about yet but want to, there is no magic, ritual, or way of living that will bring it. How it happened to me, I sat and prayed for God to show himself to me. After hearing so many encounters my mother had, I wanted one too. I asked the Lord to give this to me, focused on Him, my love for Him, and thanked Him for everything He has done in my life. I quieted my mind, opened my heart, and sought Him. And then it happened, I saw Him. THIS is the kind of relationship He wants with all of us.

He doesn’t care about special rehearsed prayers, monthly communion rituals, acts done out of tradition or religious duty. All that is hollow to Him, He wants a personal relationship with you. Time every day all day. And He’s there waiting for you every day, waiting for you to seek Him out because He’s a gentleman, He won’t force Himself into your life if you don’t want Him there.

I meet once a month with a group of 20 women ranging from 30-80 years old who all experience Him like I do, and you can too. If you have questions, you are more than welcome to reach out. I hope you take the time to watch the videos I’ve included, and I hope they are as much of an epiphany to you as they were to me.

I’ll hop off my soap box now.

God Bless.

taylor Golden
Time for Harvest

If you read through my previous posts you’ll see the journey God has taken me on the last 3 years. It all started on my mountaintop learning about love from the Father of Love. This time was special and intimate. I was secluded with Him from the dangers of the world around me. I was protected while He gave me vital lessons that I would need for the next phases in my journey.

From the mountaintop I went to the valley. Without the lessons of love I learned on the mountain, I would not have made it through this journey. In the pit of darkness, depression, and despair, I clung to what I was taught, I clung to love while I trudged through the trying situations in my life. As I was trudging something wonderful began to happen…

While walking in the darkness, hillsides on either side of me, stumbling over rocks, trees, and my own feet, I began to see light up ahead - the sun was rising. Every time I went to the valley more and more light began to seep in. I saw the mist swirling around the grass at my feet as dew drops began to form, catching the gentle rays of light spilling over the hilltops into the valley. The air became crisp with excitement as the valley turned from dark black night to a morning grey mist. Hope was rising. As this translated into my physical life; lawsuits were settled, debts were paid, relationships restored.

I had made it. I passed the test, darkness was now fleeing. The sun kept rising and rising until it became full bore morning. The flowers began to open up and sing “Arise, arise” as God’s glory filled every crack of the valley. I jumped and danced with joy as everything in my life I had been praying for began to turn. My prayers were being answered.

After 3 years of a vicious lawsuit, my ex and I were able to settle in peace. After 1.5 years since hurricane Harvey, we were able to refinance our home to begin rebuilding it. And after accumulating so much debt from the lawsuit and hurricane, we’ve been able to pay off huge portions bringing stability and peace back into our lives.

I reached the edge of the valley and was met with a grassy field. “It’s time to enjoy the Harvest”, He whispered to me. I ran forward, throwing my arms into the air shouting with joy! Finally! This is a place of peace, to rebuild and recharge. I’ve been in the field for about 2 weeks now. There is a gentle breeze that cools my back and makes the grass dance. There’s a single tree on a gentle hill for shade. In my field I dance and sing thankfulness for this place. I look back on the mountain and the valley, and the lessons He taught me through them both. I could now see why each and every struggle had to happen. He knew exactly what He was doing. Each trial gave me new strength, understanding, and growth that I would need to make it through the next phase. By trusting in Him the entire journey, I’ve been able to evolve as a person, to live more in the spirit than the physical.

Photo by   Phil~Koch   on   flickr

Photo by Phil~Koch on flickr

I love my field and my time here, but I also know that I won’t get to stay here forever, such is life. I glance over my shoulder and I tighten my fists over what catches my eyes…storm clouds. A threat to my peaceful field. They are in the distance, I still have more time before the storm reaches me. But I know it’s coming, I must reap as much harvest as possible to prepare for the storm. I know I’ll make it through, no matter what it contains, because He has prepared me for everything thus far. I know He has equipped me to make it through this too.

After all, the storm is where we see the miracles of God like no where else. Jesus asked the disciples to sail into the waters, where they were met with a storm that nearly took their life. It was only in that storm that they had the privilege of witnessing what no other souls would ever see; The King walking on water and calming the wind and waves, while Peter walked out in faith to meet him.

Matthew 14:22-33 The Passion Translation (TPT)

Jesus Walks on Water

22 As soon as the people were fed, Jesus told his disciples to get into their boat and to go to the other side of the lake while he stayed behind to dismiss the people. 23 After the crowds dispersed, Jesus went up into the hills to pray. And as night fell he was there praying alone with God.

24 But the disciples, who were now in the middle of the lake, ran into trouble, for their boat was tossed about by the high winds and heavy seas.

25 At about four o’clock in the morning,[a] Jesus came to them, walking on the waves! 26 When the disciples saw him walking on top of the water, they were terrified and screamed, “A ghost!”

27 Then Jesus said, “Be brave and don’t be afraid. I am here!”[b]

28 Peter shouted out, “Lord, if it’s really you, then have me join you on the water!”

29 “Come and join me,”[c] Jesus replied.

So Peter stepped out onto the water and began to walk toward Jesus. 30 But when he realized how high the waves were, he became frightened and started to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he cried out.

31 Jesus immediately stretched out his hand and lifted him up and said, “What little faith you have! Why would you let doubt win?”

32 And the very moment they both stepped into the boat, the raging wind ceased. 33 Then all the disciples crouched down before him and worshiped Jesus.[d] They said in adoration, “You are truly the Son of God!”

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While I have a small amount of dread for the coming storm, I know God is going to use it for His wonders, and I will have the honor of experiencing something that will change my life forever, only by trusting Him in the trial.

But it’s not here yet, I still have time. Until the storm is here, I’ll be in my field…preparing.

taylor Golden
A Love Warrior

It was 2016 when I had my first “encounter” with Jesus. I had known Him all my life, yet never had a truly personal relationship with Him. He always seemed like some distant holy figure I could never quite grasp. But when I resolved myself to do everything I could to know Him, His heart, and submit my life completely into His hands, that’s when He appeared to me.

I was thrilled to see Him, thrilled to advance spiritually to the next level. I spoke to Him; “Jesus, make me a WARRIOR! Let me slay demons and conquer evil in your name!”. I suppose I watch too many superhero movies. I assumed that God was making himself known to me to use me as a weapon, I must have some sort of dangerous cool mission I thought.

He smiled at me with the grace of a parent laughing at an impatient child. “First, you need to become love.” He responded. “Become love?” I thought… “That doesn’t sound very cool Jesus. Honestly that sounds kind of wimpy…” I wanted an important job, something fun and exciting, this seemed so basic to me, I tried to hide my disappointment.

Again He smiled with loving patience. “Taylor, Love is actually the most powerful force in the universe. Love is the greatest weapon.” I’m sure my puzzled expression said everything my mouth could not. Over the next several weeks we would meet regularly and He would continue my lessons in becoming love.

During one lesson on our mountaintop, Jesus held out his hand and a sphere appeared. It was solid and strong, unbreakable. “This is love.” He said. “It’s the foundation, the core.” He took his other hand and waved it over the sphere, as He did this the sphere grew a layer of new material. “This is kindness.” He waved His hand again, “This is justice". He did this again and again, waving His hand over the sphere and each time it grew a new layer of material. Each of the layers were different; kindness, justice, mercy, patience, holiness…

“Because love is at the core, this sphere is solid, it cannot break, it is strong. If you do not have love at the core, the sphere becomes hollow, easy to shatter. Love is the foundation, love is what everything else must be built on, otherwise it is all empty.”

Mind. Blown.

I began researching the power of love and eagerly awaited our next session. As I researched, I found myself in the Bible.

God is love. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is loveGod is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 1 John 4:16

That’s it! I thought to myself. Love is the most powerful force because love is God! Of course, it all makes sense. God is light and love, God is THE most powerful being, force, energy in existence. Which means that LOVE is THE most powerful force in existence. To become love is to become like God, tapping into unmatchable power.

I need to become love, a love warrior. My quest began.

From here Jesus began to teach me the power of love and how to use it, specifically in the form of frequencies. What happens when God, who is love, speaks? Well when He spoke, the universe came into existence, the power of his voice, His frequency of love, created life. Woah.

Your words are so powerful that they will kill or give life, and the talkative person will reap the consequences. - Proverbs 18:21

So many verses of the Bible I grew up thinking were just metaphors to teach us how to be more Christlike. I was so wrong, many of them are literal, a roadmap to tapping into the greatest power on earth, a power that can create life or cause death, a power that we use every day unknowingly, our mouths.

As a christian, when we accept Christ, He lives in us and us in Him. So when we speak, we can use the most powerful force on earth unknowingly because it lives inside us. Suddenly I was keenly aware of the language not only coming out of my mouth, but going into my ears as well. The music I listened to, filled with cursing, slander, and filth. I was letting someone else speak this into my life by listening to it, what power was I subjecting myself to? What power had I used against others negatively?

It was clear that I needed to purify myself. I spent 3 days combing through my music, deleting over 10,000 songs that contained profanity and derogatory statements. I cleaned up my own language. I resolved to not watch any movie that used the curse “G-D”. Why this one specifically? God is the most powerful force, His name, is the name of the most powerful being in existence, it’s so holy that His original people (Jews) will not even write his name on paper nor say it aloud. Combine that power with the curse of “damn”. You’ve just created a deadly weapon, the most powerful name turned into a curse. Forget the disrespect part of it, that’s some bad joojoo I don’t want spoken over me!

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He then led me to a brilliant Japanese scientist Dr. Masaru Emoto. He had breakthrough discoveries on the frequency of words and how they affected water. https://www.masaru-emoto.net/en/crystal/. During his experiments he would speak words like “Love, harmony, peace…” over freezing water, the result was the formation of beautiful water crystals. He then spoke words like “murder, evil, etc…” which led to distorted and deformed water crystals. This is evidence of the power of our words, they carry a frequency that affects life. Now take into account that your body is 90% water. Are you starting to get the picture now?

The same type of experiment has been repeated using plants instead of water, again with the same results.

Becoming love requires us to have the heart of the Father. Love everything and everyone, love as He loves.

For love completes the laws of God. All of the law can be summarized in one grand statement: “Demonstrate love to your neighbor, even as you care for and love yourself.”

- Galatians 5:14

It all comes down to this one thing, love. All the commandments, all the teachings, all the works, boil down to love. Love has to be the foundation of our lives and our intent, the center of our being and consciousness. If we start with love, everything else will take care of itself, it will all fall into place.

We can actually change the atmosphere using love, cause life and not death.

God began teaching me all this and more in 2016, because in 2018 my test would come. I would need this lesson to alter the rest of my life. After years of fighting and lawsuits with my ex, we came within 1 month of our final trial. I was watching a movie with my mom when a message dinged on my phone. He was in town and wanted to meet to resolve things outside of trial. My heart instantly hardened and resolved to not respond. He had his chance and didn’t deserve another. But then I remembered all my lessons in love. The Father of Love whispered to my heart of stone; try one more time. I agreed to meet with him. I prayed before our meeting to let love prevail, for the Holy Spirit to reside in me, to cause me to change the atmosphere to one of love. I arrived at the location, we met, after a tearful hug, we resolved all our issues, and we forgave one another. Not in my wildest dreams could I have expected a better outcome. Not only did all my prayers for my personal trial get answered, but God gave me closure through forgiving. The pain stopped, the struggle ended, and love won. God used the law of love to win the trial. Thank you father for preparing me for this moment.

Again in 2018 I experienced extreme pain and heartache by someone I trusted. By all natural human accounts I had every right to cut that person out of my life, I even resolved to do so. I deserve better I thought, I’m not going to be a doormat and be hurt like this. And then Jesus whispered in my ear “Is that what I should have done to you? When you lied to me, when you denied me and abandoned me, when you hurt me? Should I have cut you out instead of loving you through it? Should I have not given you grace and mercy when you didn’t deserve it?”

I hit my knees. Tears of shame and gratitude poured down my cheeks. I am supposed to love like He loves. Again the lesson of love saved me from cutting a precious person out of my life. God saved the relationship and is restoring it as we speak, because of love.

What do we do when we disagree with someone? When someone hurts us? Our natural human reaction is to retaliate, to defend at all costs. This morning Jentezen Franklin’s message summed it up. Start and finish with love. Before you react, before you engage, resolve to love.

My lessons are far from over, but they are evolving into a new phase now. Now that I know how to become love, it’s time for me to leave my mountaintop to love those in the valleys. My mission now? To change the world with love, one person at a time. I highly recommend reading my friend Bob Goff’s book; Everybody Always for the most basic yet enlightening example of becoming love.

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During this Christmas season, I celebrate the birth of Love, Jesus. My best friend, savior, father, my heart and breath. Join me in choosing love, in becoming love, in changing the world with love. During the trials of life, the war waging on our heart and minds, join me in with a celebratory battle cry of victory, because love always wins, LOVE NEVER FAILS.

1 Corinthians 13:8-10 The Passion Translation (TPT)

Perfect Love

Love never stops loving.[a] It extends beyond the gift of prophecy, which eventually fades away.[b] It is more enduring than tongues, which will one day fall silent. Love remains long after words of knowledge are forgotten.[cOur present knowledge and our prophecies are but partial,[d10 but when love’s perfection arrives, the partial will fade away.[e]

taylor Golden Comment
Explant 1 Year Anniversary!!

Happy Anniversary to me! One year ago today I took control of my health. After praying for years for physical healing from a long list of random ailments the Holy Spirit told me that my breast implants were making me sick. This was a foreign concept to me at the time - I had 300cc saline under the muscle for 10 years at that point and had never heard of saline making anyone sick. This led me to my usual obsessive googling for answers which led me to https://healingbreastimplantillness.com . Here i was shocked to read that tens of thousands of women with implants were experiencing the same unexplained illnesses that had been tormenting me for years.

Some of the symptoms I experienced include:

runners knee, tailbone dislocates, arches collapsing, torn lower bicep tendon, constant muscle knots, painful ovarian cysts, right breast painful during ovulation, hair thinning, fatigue, brain fog , under arm folliculitis, back acne, anxiety, constant bloating, gluten intolerance, hair dull and dry, unexplained weight gain, premature grey hair, puffy face, vision declining, miscarriage, premenopausal hormones at 28 years old including; low progesterone, testosterone, vitamin D, low thyroid.

With implants year 7

With implants year 7

On the outside I looked happy and healthy. On the inside I was slowing dying. As soon as I found Breast Implant Illness I knew it was the culprit behind all my pain. I immediately scheduled my explant surgery with Dr. Straka in Kingwood, Texas. I have not regretted my decision for a moment. As soon as I woke up from surgery I began to experience Immediate relief from my fatigue. While on narcotic pain medication I had more energy than I had in years! My soul also felt relief. I had no idea that the implants had burdened me with not only a physical weight, but a weight on my soul as well. I just felt more like “me”. I don’t know how else to explain that. But suddenly I was happier.

Since sharing my story 2 other women in my life have explanted as well. They found the same answers to their questions that I had found. At least 5 other women in my life have now made the decision to NOT get implants after reading my story. This is why I share.

Why did I get them in the first place? Back then I was a size 2 and a 34C chest. I certainly didn’t need them, however I let people in my life speak to my insecurities and desire to be loved, letting them convince me I needed them. I want to urge women of all ages reading this. You are perfect just the way God made you! If anyone asks you to undergo unnecessary surgery just for their pleasure or tries to convince you it will make you happy - don’t be fooled, that is NOT love.

1 year post explant, 34C

1 year post explant, 34C

It took 6 years for my symptoms to start showing, and after that each year it got worse and worse. I wish I had been more intentional with my detox after surgery. I was hoping for immediate weight loss and a decrease in bloating but I only seemed to gain more weight. It wasn’t until I tried Start Detoxing that everything changed big time. After completing one detox cycle I lost 2 pant sizes and 15lbs. Today for the first time in 3 years I can now fit into my old jeans! I believe my body was trying to detox from the chemicals used in surgery as well as my immune system trying to recover from fighting the poison bags in my body for so long. I HIGHLY recommend that anyone who has a surgery or explants - plan a detox!

I am so thankful for all the support I received for my decision and am happy to share knowing it is changing others lives. I am here to answer questions for anyone who wants to know more about Breast Implant Illness.

Today I am happy, healthy, free, and 100% ME.

taylor Golden