Shadow Wings

I thought I would have more time in the harvest field before the storm on the horizon reached me, but none the less, it’s here. More than I could have predicted, it tears at my soul. How am I back here? How am I not yet free from this storm?

Image result for under the shadow of his wings.jpeg

But it’s different this time, different from the past storms. Strangely, I am unafraid. The rain pounds around me, while thunder and lightening threaten, yet I remain dry and unharmed. I notice a shadow around me. I look up to see giant dark wings covering me. Not mine, but His. And the feeling in my spirit, Peace.

I am not alone, and I do not struggle as in past storms. I used to battle my way through, attempting to use my own strength and knowledge to overcome, but not now. Now instead, I rest in the storm, what a juxtaposition this is to me. I am not concerned for my future, I know He has me in the shadow of His wings.

I ask Him; “Lord what would You have me do in this storm?” “Box up your heart, and let me handle the rest” He replies. And so I do, I put up the walls around my heart to guard it for this time, and I return to rest in Him.

As of late I find myself drawn to movies with pure heroines such as The Hunger Games, Divergent, and the recent Star Wars series. At first I watch them over and over not understanding why I am drawn to them, but now He shows me the reason.

In all these movies, the heroine has a pure heart, pursues justice, gives mercy, offers kindness, even in the midst of evil, even at the risk of their own life - they choose purity, good, and righteousness. This is what I desire to become. Pure, light, goodness, love.

As I’ve progressed through my journey over the last three years I have been refined. Removing every impurity through the fires of life’s trials. Each step treading closer to Him, looking like Him, sounding like Him, living in Him. Dying to myself so that He may live inside me fully alive. And now in this storm I feel and see the outcome of my labors. Nothing can harm me, nothing can steal my joy, nothing can remove me from His grasp.

I am safe, dry, warm, and at peace in the middle of a squall. I melt in gratefulness at His feet.

Under His wing canopy I sit in the soft grass with him, we face each other legs crossed like childhood friends sharing their imaginations with one another.

c0eaea84ac5f10f5e48c26647620df14.jpg

John 14:27 The Passion Translation (TPT)

“I leave the gift of peace with you—my peace. Not the kind of fragile peace given by the world, but my perfect peace. Don’t yield to fear or be troubled in your hearts—instead, be courageous!

I hold out my hands, wrists up, my palms closed. He opens my hands and says “When you let go of your grip, I’m able to place something inside.” He puts a soft, warm, ball of light into my hands. “What is this gift?” I ask. “Breathe it in” He instructs. I breathe in his light gift and it streams into my nostrils, through my lungs, out through my veins in my arms and throughout my body. I shine gold from the inside. “I give you peace in the storm” He says.

I am unafraid going into battle. I am at rest because I know the battle is already won. I don’t struggle or fight, I sit. Rest after 15 years of heartbreak and struggle, abuse, and abandonment. He cradles my heart now, all in the dark shadow of His wings. I feel embraced throughout the day, literally a presence wrapped around me.

I give up all control, it’s yours Lord.

“You’ve arrived” He says.

I’ve transcended, operating from spirit instead of body or soul. I control the atmosphere around me by becoming Love.

In his perfect timing, my daily learning consists of this video by Neville Johnson.

He is so good. My heart is overwhelmed by His pure love. He sings a lullaby over me, perfect for our harvest field during the storm. I had wondered why I loved this song so much from The Hunger Games. I play it over and over throughout the day. The words wash warm over me as I rest my head in his lap, under His wings, storm around me. As I close my eyes I notice in the distance, sunlight. The storm is passing, victory awaits. With a smirk of confidence on my mouth I shut my lids, head down to sleep.

And in the background I hear a scripture, softly for now but for some reason I know it will grow louder; “Deep calls out to deep.” I wait in excited anticipation for its arrival.

Psalm 42:7 The Passion Translation (TPT)
My deep need calls out to the deep kindness of your love. Your waterfall of weeping sent waves of sorrow over my soul, carrying me away, cascading over me like a thundering cataract.
The shadow.jpeg
73527b2cc8adec58224d35c0aa1ed15a.jpg
Screen Shot 2019-05-07 at 7.29.54 AM.png
Another Psalm 91 post from October 30 ___ More words from The Sponsor.jpeg
taylor Golden
Why I Stopped Going to Church

Of all the blogs I have written, I know THIS one is going to ruffle some feathers. Let’s dive in shall we?

I grew up in Houston, Texas as a church going choir nerd. I accepted Jesus as my savior at a young age. I wasn’t allowed to be friends with other kids that didn’t go to church. The first half of my adolescence took place in the southern baptist church, with the second half in non-denominational churches. I have wonderful memories from youth group and church. I’ve been on several missions trips, tithed regularly, and by all accounts, was a model Christian. From 20-30 years of age, I ran from God, denied Him, and never went to church. It wasn’t until I lost everything that I found Him again at Hope City church in Houston and nothing has been the same since.

Now I know that most people who read my posts about my experiences with Jesus probably think I’m a wackadoodle and are saying extra prayers for my mental health and that’s fine. Believe me, when my mother would share her experiences with me years ago, I thought she was crazy and/or seeking attention, so I completely expect others to think the same of me. I don’t blame or judge them at all.

With that being said I’ll step onto my soap box now.

I stopped going to church in 2017 for several reasons. I believe the “church” as we know it today; a big expensive building, a pastor, a worship team, etc, is NOT what God intended. I believe He meant for churches to be small groups in homes, and I believe He meant for US to be the church, not a formal assembly.

Now I am by NO means shaming or judging anyone who attends church, nor am I saying that churches are evil or wrong in general. I feel this is a personal decision for everyone and you have to do what feels right to you. Churches do amazing things in our community and for peoples lives, I am not discounting that.

Denominations

I think denominations have divided Christians. While one group of people, such as Pentecostals, might feel convicted to not wear makeup, others to not eat pork, or not drink - it does not mean that people who do partake in these things are wrong, yet this is what some denominational churches teach. These things are personal preferences and what the Holy Spirit is moving them to pay attention to, it does not mean that we should divide ourselves into groups of people who agree and disagree. Again this is dividing Christianity and segmenting people into groups that think and act alike instead of embracing others in love and living our lives by the conviction of the Holy Spirit for us individually.

1 Corinthians 9:20-22 The Passion Translation (TPT)

20 I became Jewish to the Jewish people in order to win them to the Messiah. I became like one under the law to gain the people who were stuck under the law, even though I myself am not under the law. 21 And to those who are without the Jewish laws, I became like them, as one without the Jewish laws, in order to win them, although I’m not outside the law of God but under the law of Christ. 22 I became “weak” to the weak to win the weak. I have adapted to the culture of every place I’ve gone[a] so that I could more easily win people to Christ.

501c3

I believe that when churches adopted the 501c3 status (which relieves the burden of paying taxes), they traded the covering of God for the covering of man. Under 501c3 the government has the right to sensor the messages spoken at churches. The church of satan, pedophile associations, and planned parenthood also operate under a 501c3 status.

When a church accepts the 501c3 status, that church:

  • Waives its freedom of speech.

  • Waives its freedom of religion.

  • Waives its right to influence legislators and the legislation they craft.

  • Waives its constitutionally guaranteed rights.

  • Is no longer free to speak to the vital issues of the day.

  • Becomes controlled by a spirit of fear that if it doesn’t toe the line with the IRS it will lose [revoke] its tax-exempt status.

  • Becomes a State-Church

  • http://www.goodnewsaboutgod.com/studies/spiritual/the_organized_church/501c3.htm

I believe that being co-mingled with organizations that defiantly go against the basic Word of God and harm, even kill people, has subjected the church as we know it, the leaders, and the congregation to the powers of darkness and the consequences that come with it. I believe things are being brought to light now such as sex scandals, fraud, and fakeness as evidence of evil influences having reign over the churches.

Old Testament Law

There are plenty of denominations of Christians out there that operate under Old Testament laws. Don’t eat pork, don’t wear makeup, tithe 10%, chanting prayers, sitting standing, etc. All works based, which saddens me because that’s living in bondage. God gave laws in the Old Testament to expose sin. These laws were made to help the people adopt the right ways to live and be. Then Christ died and His blood covered the law.

Galatians 5 The Passion Translation (TPT)

If you want to be made holy by fulfilling the obligations of the law, you have cut off more than your flesh—you have cut yourselves off from the Anointed One and have fallen away from the revelation of grace!

Romans 8

For God achieved what the law was unable to accomplish, because the law was limited by the weakness of human nature.[c]

Yet God sent us his Son in human form to identify with human weakness. Clothed with humanity, God’s Son gave his body to be the sin-offering so that God could once and for all condemn the guilt and power of sin. So now every righteous requirement of the law can be fulfilled through the Anointed One living his life in us. And we are free to live, not according to our flesh, but by the dynamic power of the Holy Spirit![d]

The law was replaced with grace. We no longer have to sacrifice animals and tithe to cleanse ourself before the Lord, Christ did all that for us. Then why does every church preach that God calls us to tithe? Because many churches have become businesses, and businesses need money to operate. Tithing was part of the law to teach people to put God before possessions, not to build mega new buildings.

A Warning Not to Love the World 1 John 2

15 Don’t set the affections of your heart on this world[q] or in loving the things of the world. The love of the Father and the love of the world are incompatible.[r16 For all that the world can offer us—the gratification of our flesh, the allurement of the things of the world, and the obsession with status and importance[s]—none of these things come from the Father but from the world. 17 This world[t] and its desires are in the process of passing away, but those who love to[u] do the will of God live forever.[v]

I believe God has called those that are able to give to help others, to do so. We should always place God above all things in life. Instead of tithing to a church, my family financially supports other families who are suffering and to missions - to me this is what He meant. This is christianity.

Romans 3:27 The Passion Translation (TPT)

27 Where, then, is there room for boasting? Do our works bring God’s acceptance? Not at all! It was not our works of keeping the law but our faith[a] in his finished work that makes us right with God.

Who’s the Teacher?

I have learned more in my few years of one on one time with Jesus than I ever learned in Church. Don’t get me wrong, for new Christians and children, church is great to learn the basics, meet other Christians, and learn how to adapt your lifestyle. But the church leaves out SO much vital and powerful information. We don’t NEED to go to church to learn, we should be doing that on our own with Jesus. Talking to Him every day, while doing the dishes, folding laundry, driving in your car. Constantly talking to Him and involving Him in your life.

The Bible says there is no need for anyone to keep teaching you. We’ve replaced the source of our information, instead of Christ, we’re looking to a man or woman to guide us. I can honestly say that by tuning into Him, pursuing Him, and by listening to the Holy Spirit, I feel confident that I will know how to address anything that comes my way.

1 John 2

26 I’ve written these things about those who are attempting to lead you astray. 27 But the wonderful anointing you have received from God[afis so much greater than their deception and now lives in you. There’s no need for anyone to keep teaching you.[ag] His anointing teaches you all that you need to know, for it will lead you into truth, not a counterfeit. So just as the anointing has taught you, remain in him.[ah]

Now don’t get me wrong, I still listen to messages on podcasts and YouTube. I do believe God gives others messages to share, just as He is guiding me to share this post now. These messages are great for inspiration, or providing a different perspective. Often times they bring me to my knees with conviction. However, I always check what I hear with my spirit for discernment. Ultimately the Lord is the filter for my ears to expose what is true and untrue. Often times it is HE who is leading me to find a message at exactly the time I need it - that’s one of the ways I know I’m in tune with Him.

This Realm is Not Reality

That’s right, I’m going Matrix on you. The spiritual realm is the real realm, not the physical that we experience day to day. Today most people live body first, mind second, spirit third. We care about our physical comforts, then our emotional needs, then our spiritual needs, when it should be in reverse. We are spirit beings, and should be living spirit first. This video I’m sharing by Neville Johnson explains it much better than I can, plus he has the most adorable accent. He’s a great resource if you’re looking to learn more about energy, living in the spirit, and tons more. Again check what you hear against your spirit (usually your gut feeling).

God is more than just a super old dude up in the clouds contrary to popular belief. He is a spiritual being made of pure energy which is love. When we accept Him, He lives in us and we in Him, literally. We have a force of pure love energy existing inside us, waiting to be tapped. And when we tap into that power, the possibilities are limitless. We are no longer subject to the physical realm, sickness, disease, or other physical and spiritual attacks. Now subject they are to us as long as long as it is God’s will.

Romans 8

Those who are motivated by the flesh only pursue what benefits themselves. But those who live by the impulses of the Holy Spirit are motivated to pursue spiritual realities.[eFor the mind-set of the flesh is death, but the mind-set controlled by the Spirit finds life and peace.

In fact, the mind-set focused on the flesh fights God’s plan and refuses to submit to his direction,[f] because it cannot! For no matter how hard they try, God finds no pleasure with those who are controlled by the flesh. But when the Spirit of Christ empowers your life,[g] you are not dominated by the flesh but by the Spirit. And if you are not joined to the Spirit of the Anointed One, you are not of him.[h]

10 Now Christ lives his life in you! And even though your body may be dead because of the effects of sin, his life-giving Spirit imparts life to you because you are fully accepted by God.[i11 Yes, God raised Jesus to life! And since God’s Spirit of Resurrection lives in you, he will also raise your dying body to life by the same Spirit that breathes life into you!

12 So then, beloved ones, the flesh has no claims on us at all, and we have no further obligation to live in obedience to it. 13 For when you live controlled by the flesh, you are about to die. But if the life of the Spirit puts to death the corrupt ways of the flesh, we then taste his abundant life.

By now I know you really think I’m crazy :) Again there are others that can explain better than I. Chris Blackeby has a great way of explaining living in the spirit and not being subject to the physical realm. Who is he? An accountant. Who am I? A marketing manager. Who is my mother? A stay at home mom. All of us who have ascended to this new way of living and revelation are not super christians or special. We are ordinary people living ordinary lives with an unordinary love for the Father.

You Aren’t Alone

Last week a woman I sit close to at work approached me; “Hey Taylor, I came across your blog and I sent it to my friend, because she has experiences like that too. She didn’t know if it was real or what do with it or if she was crazy, she’s so happy to hear there are others.”

There are TONS of people out there, men and women, having encounters and revelations with God. If you’re one of them, you are not alone and you are not crazy, well, I’m guessing about the crazy part :)

If you haven’t had an experience like the ones I’ve written about yet but want to, there is no magic, ritual, or way of living that will bring it. How it happened to me, I sat and prayed for God to show himself to me. After hearing so many encounters my mother had, I wanted one too. I asked the Lord to give this to me, focused on Him, my love for Him, and thanked Him for everything He has done in my life. I quieted my mind, opened my heart, and sought Him. And then it happened, I saw Him. THIS is the kind of relationship He wants with all of us.

He doesn’t care about special rehearsed prayers, monthly communion rituals, acts done out of tradition or religious duty. All that is hollow to Him, He wants a personal relationship with you. Time every day all day. And He’s there waiting for you every day, waiting for you to seek Him out because He’s a gentleman, He won’t force Himself into your life if you don’t want Him there.

I meet once a month with a group of 20 women ranging from 30-80 years old who all experience Him like I do, and you can too. If you have questions, you are more than welcome to reach out. I hope you take the time to watch the videos I’ve included, and I hope they are as much of an epiphany to you as they were to me.

I’ll hop off my soap box now.

God Bless.

taylor Golden
Time for Harvest

If you read through my previous posts you’ll see the journey God has taken me on the last 3 years. It all started on my mountaintop learning about love from the Father of Love. This time was special and intimate. I was secluded with Him from the dangers of the world around me. I was protected while He gave me vital lessons that I would need for the next phases in my journey.

From the mountaintop I went to the valley. Without the lessons of love I learned on the mountain, I would not have made it through this journey. In the pit of darkness, depression, and despair, I clung to what I was taught, I clung to love while I trudged through the trying situations in my life. As I was trudging something wonderful began to happen…

While walking in the darkness, hillsides on either side of me, stumbling over rocks, trees, and my own feet, I began to see light up ahead - the sun was rising. Every time I went to the valley more and more light began to seep in. I saw the mist swirling around the grass at my feet as dew drops began to form, catching the gentle rays of light spilling over the hilltops into the valley. The air became crisp with excitement as the valley turned from dark black night to a morning grey mist. Hope was rising. As this translated into my physical life; lawsuits were settled, debts were paid, relationships restored.

I had made it. I passed the test, darkness was now fleeing. The sun kept rising and rising until it became full bore morning. The flowers began to open up and sing “Arise, arise” as God’s glory filled every crack of the valley. I jumped and danced with joy as everything in my life I had been praying for began to turn. My prayers were being answered.

After 3 years of a vicious lawsuit, my ex and I were able to settle in peace. After 1.5 years since hurricane Harvey, we were able to refinance our home to begin rebuilding it. And after accumulating so much debt from the lawsuit and hurricane, we’ve been able to pay off huge portions bringing stability and peace back into our lives.

I reached the edge of the valley and was met with a grassy field. “It’s time to enjoy the Harvest”, He whispered to me. I ran forward, throwing my arms into the air shouting with joy! Finally! This is a place of peace, to rebuild and recharge. I’ve been in the field for about 2 weeks now. There is a gentle breeze that cools my back and makes the grass dance. There’s a single tree on a gentle hill for shade. In my field I dance and sing thankfulness for this place. I look back on the mountain and the valley, and the lessons He taught me through them both. I could now see why each and every struggle had to happen. He knew exactly what He was doing. Each trial gave me new strength, understanding, and growth that I would need to make it through the next phase. By trusting in Him the entire journey, I’ve been able to evolve as a person, to live more in the spirit than the physical.

Photo by   Phil~Koch   on   flickr

Photo by Phil~Koch on flickr

I love my field and my time here, but I also know that I won’t get to stay here forever, such is life. I glance over my shoulder and I tighten my fists over what catches my eyes…storm clouds. A threat to my peaceful field. They are in the distance, I still have more time before the storm reaches me. But I know it’s coming, I must reap as much harvest as possible to prepare for the storm. I know I’ll make it through, no matter what it contains, because He has prepared me for everything thus far. I know He has equipped me to make it through this too.

After all, the storm is where we see the miracles of God like no where else. Jesus asked the disciples to sail into the waters, where they were met with a storm that nearly took their life. It was only in that storm that they had the privilege of witnessing what no other souls would ever see; The King walking on water and calming the wind and waves, while Peter walked out in faith to meet him.

Matthew 14:22-33 The Passion Translation (TPT)

Jesus Walks on Water

22 As soon as the people were fed, Jesus told his disciples to get into their boat and to go to the other side of the lake while he stayed behind to dismiss the people. 23 After the crowds dispersed, Jesus went up into the hills to pray. And as night fell he was there praying alone with God.

24 But the disciples, who were now in the middle of the lake, ran into trouble, for their boat was tossed about by the high winds and heavy seas.

25 At about four o’clock in the morning,[a] Jesus came to them, walking on the waves! 26 When the disciples saw him walking on top of the water, they were terrified and screamed, “A ghost!”

27 Then Jesus said, “Be brave and don’t be afraid. I am here!”[b]

28 Peter shouted out, “Lord, if it’s really you, then have me join you on the water!”

29 “Come and join me,”[c] Jesus replied.

So Peter stepped out onto the water and began to walk toward Jesus. 30 But when he realized how high the waves were, he became frightened and started to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he cried out.

31 Jesus immediately stretched out his hand and lifted him up and said, “What little faith you have! Why would you let doubt win?”

32 And the very moment they both stepped into the boat, the raging wind ceased. 33 Then all the disciples crouched down before him and worshiped Jesus.[d] They said in adoration, “You are truly the Son of God!”

I-am-the-Storm.jpg

While I have a small amount of dread for the coming storm, I know God is going to use it for His wonders, and I will have the honor of experiencing something that will change my life forever, only by trusting Him in the trial.

But it’s not here yet, I still have time. Until the storm is here, I’ll be in my field…preparing.

taylor Golden
A Love Warrior

It was 2016 when I had my first “encounter” with Jesus. I had known Him all my life, yet never had a truly personal relationship with Him. He always seemed like some distant holy figure I could never quite grasp. But when I resolved myself to do everything I could to know Him, His heart, and submit my life completely into His hands, that’s when He appeared to me.

I was thrilled to see Him, thrilled to advance spiritually to the next level. I spoke to Him; “Jesus, make me a WARRIOR! Let me slay demons and conquer evil in your name!”. I suppose I watch too many superhero movies. I assumed that God was making himself known to me to use me as a weapon, I must have some sort of dangerous cool mission I thought.

He smiled at me with the grace of a parent laughing at an impatient child. “First, you need to become love.” He responded. “Become love?” I thought… “That doesn’t sound very cool Jesus. Honestly that sounds kind of wimpy…” I wanted an important job, something fun and exciting, this seemed so basic to me, I tried to hide my disappointment.

Again He smiled with loving patience. “Taylor, Love is actually the most powerful force in the universe. Love is the greatest weapon.” I’m sure my puzzled expression said everything my mouth could not. Over the next several weeks we would meet regularly and He would continue my lessons in becoming love.

During one lesson on our mountaintop, Jesus held out his hand and a sphere appeared. It was solid and strong, unbreakable. “This is love.” He said. “It’s the foundation, the core.” He took his other hand and waved it over the sphere, as He did this the sphere grew a layer of new material. “This is kindness.” He waved His hand again, “This is justice". He did this again and again, waving His hand over the sphere and each time it grew a new layer of material. Each of the layers were different; kindness, justice, mercy, patience, holiness…

“Because love is at the core, this sphere is solid, it cannot break, it is strong. If you do not have love at the core, the sphere becomes hollow, easy to shatter. Love is the foundation, love is what everything else must be built on, otherwise it is all empty.”

Mind. Blown.

I began researching the power of love and eagerly awaited our next session. As I researched, I found myself in the Bible.

God is love. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is loveGod is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 1 John 4:16

That’s it! I thought to myself. Love is the most powerful force because love is God! Of course, it all makes sense. God is light and love, God is THE most powerful being, force, energy in existence. Which means that LOVE is THE most powerful force in existence. To become love is to become like God, tapping into unmatchable power.

I need to become love, a love warrior. My quest began.

From here Jesus began to teach me the power of love and how to use it, specifically in the form of frequencies. What happens when God, who is love, speaks? Well when He spoke, the universe came into existence, the power of his voice, His frequency of love, created life. Woah.

Your words are so powerful that they will kill or give life, and the talkative person will reap the consequences. - Proverbs 18:21

So many verses of the Bible I grew up thinking were just metaphors to teach us how to be more Christlike. I was so wrong, many of them are literal, a roadmap to tapping into the greatest power on earth, a power that can create life or cause death, a power that we use every day unknowingly, our mouths.

As a christian, when we accept Christ, He lives in us and us in Him. So when we speak, we can use the most powerful force on earth unknowingly because it lives inside us. Suddenly I was keenly aware of the language not only coming out of my mouth, but going into my ears as well. The music I listened to, filled with cursing, slander, and filth. I was letting someone else speak this into my life by listening to it, what power was I subjecting myself to? What power had I used against others negatively?

It was clear that I needed to purify myself. I spent 3 days combing through my music, deleting over 10,000 songs that contained profanity and derogatory statements. I cleaned up my own language. I resolved to not watch any movie that used the curse “G-D”. Why this one specifically? God is the most powerful force, His name, is the name of the most powerful being in existence, it’s so holy that His original people (Jews) will not even write his name on paper nor say it aloud. Combine that power with the curse of “damn”. You’ve just created a deadly weapon, the most powerful name turned into a curse. Forget the disrespect part of it, that’s some bad joojoo I don’t want spoken over me!

water-messages.jpg

He then led me to a brilliant Japanese scientist Dr. Masaru Emoto. He had breakthrough discoveries on the frequency of words and how they affected water. https://www.masaru-emoto.net/en/crystal/. During his experiments he would speak words like “Love, harmony, peace…” over freezing water, the result was the formation of beautiful water crystals. He then spoke words like “murder, evil, etc…” which led to distorted and deformed water crystals. This is evidence of the power of our words, they carry a frequency that affects life. Now take into account that your body is 90% water. Are you starting to get the picture now?

The same type of experiment has been repeated using plants instead of water, again with the same results.

Becoming love requires us to have the heart of the Father. Love everything and everyone, love as He loves.

For love completes the laws of God. All of the law can be summarized in one grand statement: “Demonstrate love to your neighbor, even as you care for and love yourself.”

- Galatians 5:14

It all comes down to this one thing, love. All the commandments, all the teachings, all the works, boil down to love. Love has to be the foundation of our lives and our intent, the center of our being and consciousness. If we start with love, everything else will take care of itself, it will all fall into place.

We can actually change the atmosphere using love, cause life and not death.

God began teaching me all this and more in 2016, because in 2018 my test would come. I would need this lesson to alter the rest of my life. After years of fighting and lawsuits with my ex, we came within 1 month of our final trial. I was watching a movie with my mom when a message dinged on my phone. He was in town and wanted to meet to resolve things outside of trial. My heart instantly hardened and resolved to not respond. He had his chance and didn’t deserve another. But then I remembered all my lessons in love. The Father of Love whispered to my heart of stone; try one more time. I agreed to meet with him. I prayed before our meeting to let love prevail, for the Holy Spirit to reside in me, to cause me to change the atmosphere to one of love. I arrived at the location, we met, after a tearful hug, we resolved all our issues, and we forgave one another. Not in my wildest dreams could I have expected a better outcome. Not only did all my prayers for my personal trial get answered, but God gave me closure through forgiving. The pain stopped, the struggle ended, and love won. God used the law of love to win the trial. Thank you father for preparing me for this moment.

Again in 2018 I experienced extreme pain and heartache by someone I trusted. By all natural human accounts I had every right to cut that person out of my life, I even resolved to do so. I deserve better I thought, I’m not going to be a doormat and be hurt like this. And then Jesus whispered in my ear “Is that what I should have done to you? When you lied to me, when you denied me and abandoned me, when you hurt me? Should I have cut you out instead of loving you through it? Should I have not given you grace and mercy when you didn’t deserve it?”

I hit my knees. Tears of shame and gratitude poured down my cheeks. I am supposed to love like He loves. Again the lesson of love saved me from cutting a precious person out of my life. God saved the relationship and is restoring it as we speak, because of love.

What do we do when we disagree with someone? When someone hurts us? Our natural human reaction is to retaliate, to defend at all costs. This morning Jentezen Franklin’s message summed it up. Start and finish with love. Before you react, before you engage, resolve to love.

My lessons are far from over, but they are evolving into a new phase now. Now that I know how to become love, it’s time for me to leave my mountaintop to love those in the valleys. My mission now? To change the world with love, one person at a time. I highly recommend reading my friend Bob Goff’s book; Everybody Always for the most basic yet enlightening example of becoming love.

c1258215d0798956f222e55c29bc8ca8.jpg

During this Christmas season, I celebrate the birth of Love, Jesus. My best friend, savior, father, my heart and breath. Join me in choosing love, in becoming love, in changing the world with love. During the trials of life, the war waging on our heart and minds, join me in with a celebratory battle cry of victory, because love always wins, LOVE NEVER FAILS.

1 Corinthians 13:8-10 The Passion Translation (TPT)

Perfect Love

Love never stops loving.[a] It extends beyond the gift of prophecy, which eventually fades away.[b] It is more enduring than tongues, which will one day fall silent. Love remains long after words of knowledge are forgotten.[cOur present knowledge and our prophecies are but partial,[d10 but when love’s perfection arrives, the partial will fade away.[e]

taylor Golden Comment
Explant 1 Year Anniversary!!

Happy Anniversary to me! One year ago today I took control of my health. After praying for years for physical healing from a long list of random ailments the Holy Spirit told me that my breast implants were making me sick. This was a foreign concept to me at the time - I had 300cc saline under the muscle for 10 years at that point and had never heard of saline making anyone sick. This led me to my usual obsessive googling for answers which led me to https://healingbreastimplantillness.com . Here i was shocked to read that tens of thousands of women with implants were experiencing the same unexplained illnesses that had been tormenting me for years.

Some of the symptoms I experienced include:

runners knee, tailbone dislocates, arches collapsing, torn lower bicep tendon, constant muscle knots, painful ovarian cysts, right breast painful during ovulation, hair thinning, fatigue, brain fog , under arm folliculitis, back acne, anxiety, constant bloating, gluten intolerance, hair dull and dry, unexplained weight gain, premature grey hair, puffy face, vision declining, miscarriage, premenopausal hormones at 28 years old including; low progesterone, testosterone, vitamin D, low thyroid.

With implants year 7

With implants year 7

On the outside I looked happy and healthy. On the inside I was slowing dying. As soon as I found Breast Implant Illness I knew it was the culprit behind all my pain. I immediately scheduled my explant surgery with Dr. Straka in Kingwood, Texas. I have not regretted my decision for a moment. As soon as I woke up from surgery I began to experience Immediate relief from my fatigue. While on narcotic pain medication I had more energy than I had in years! My soul also felt relief. I had no idea that the implants had burdened me with not only a physical weight, but a weight on my soul as well. I just felt more like “me”. I don’t know how else to explain that. But suddenly I was happier.

Since sharing my story 2 other women in my life have explanted as well. They found the same answers to their questions that I had found. At least 5 other women in my life have now made the decision to NOT get implants after reading my story. This is why I share.

Why did I get them in the first place? Back then I was a size 2 and a 34C chest. I certainly didn’t need them, however I let people in my life speak to my insecurities and desire to be loved, letting them convince me I needed them. I want to urge women of all ages reading this. You are perfect just the way God made you! If anyone asks you to undergo unnecessary surgery just for their pleasure or tries to convince you it will make you happy - don’t be fooled, that is NOT love.

1 year post explant, 34C

1 year post explant, 34C

It took 6 years for my symptoms to start showing, and after that each year it got worse and worse. I wish I had been more intentional with my detox after surgery. I was hoping for immediate weight loss and a decrease in bloating but I only seemed to gain more weight. It wasn’t until I tried Start Detoxing that everything changed big time. After completing one detox cycle I lost 2 pant sizes and 15lbs. Today for the first time in 3 years I can now fit into my old jeans! I believe my body was trying to detox from the chemicals used in surgery as well as my immune system trying to recover from fighting the poison bags in my body for so long. I HIGHLY recommend that anyone who has a surgery or explants - plan a detox!

I am so thankful for all the support I received for my decision and am happy to share knowing it is changing others lives. I am here to answer questions for anyone who wants to know more about Breast Implant Illness.

Today I am happy, healthy, free, and 100% ME.

taylor Golden
Rainbow Bubbles

I had an encounter with Jesus this week. For those of you who think that sounds crazy. Let me tell you. He is closer than you think, and the spiritual realm is more real than what you see with your human eyes. I won’t dive into all that now, but there are plenty of resources on that subject.

I’ve had a lot on my plate recently in the form of worry. Trying to refinance our home to repair it from the flood, lawsuits, infertility, and all the fun stuff that comes with each of those struggles. Adding each trial on top of the other it began to feel like I was carrying around a weighted backpack.

Anxiety would creep up, my mind start to race, my heart beating faster. “Will this ever end?” I ask myself. I do the human thing and try to control it all. Frantically moving between one area and the next, trying to keep it all contained within my grasp.

Why do we always revert to our own works as humans? It’s because of the fall. Since that day, we’ve toiled and struggled, it comes natural to us. “Only you are in control of your destiny!”, we see quotes like that all over social media. Motivations encouraging us to work harder, push through, hustle, and sacrifice. We accept these quotes, they sound well-meaning enough.

But there’s a better way, and it’s been there for thousands of years. Jesus did the sacrifice and He tells us NOT to worry and that we don’t have to struggle.

1 Peter 5:7 The Passion Translation (TPT)

Pour out all your worries and stress upon him and leave them there, for he always tenderly cares for you.

Matthew 6:25-27 The Passion Translation (TPT)

Don’t Worry

25 “This is why I tell you to never be worried about your life, for all that you need will be provided, such as food, water, clothing—everything your body needs. Isn’t there more to your life than a meal? Isn’t your body more than clothing?

26 “Look at all the birds—do you think they worry about their existence? They don’t plant or reap or store up food, yet your heavenly Father provides them each with food. Aren’t you much more valuable to your Father than they?27 So, which one of you by worrying could add anything to your life?

As a Daughter of the King, I don’t have to worry, Jesus takes care of that. So this week I decided to step into my inheritance, and give it up to Him. I’m tired of walking around dragging my burdens behind me. The more I struggle to control them the less control I seem to have. All my hard work is in vain.

Photographer Kevin Frayer captures a community of coal scavengers in the village of Bokapahari, India

Photographer Kevin Frayer captures a community of coal scavengers in the village of Bokapahari, India

So I approached Jesus with it. I was hobbling towards him carrying my burdens. Each one of them was a chunk of dirty, black, heavy coal. I fumbled with them in my arms, trying to keep them all together. I slowly approached Him, His radiant glory was the sun. He looked like hope. I’m afraid to let it go. What will happen if I lose control of it? If I do nothing instead of trying to do everything? To free my hands of it seems not sensible. But I resolve to trust Him yet again.

I’m at His feet now. The weight of my burdens won’t let me stand any longer, I drop to my knees. I glance up at Him, all hope and love so close to me. He reaches out His hands to take my burdens from me. The thought of His perfect radiance touching my unclean dirty coal embarrasses me. I hang my head, I have no more left to give. All my energy trying to solve my problems is spent. I can’t go on any longer like this. I lift my armful of coal burden up to Him…and I let go.

d6c30195acea827dfd401259c350376c.jpg

The coal starts tumbling towards ground at His feet, but before it ever makes contact it transforms…into bubbles. That’s right, bubbles.

The bubbles drift upwards in front of my face between Jesus and I as I gaze into wonderful love. His light emanating from Him causes rainbow prisms inside the bubbles. Rainbow bubbles. A sign of His promise.

My burdens were actually His promises all along.

I only needed to give them to Him. With tears flowing like rivers of joy I kiss His feet while whispering never ending “thank you”s.

Our burdens remain heavy, dirty coal until we give them to Him, where He transforms them into weightless promises.

Jeremiah 29:11

1For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope. 

He uses all evil, all the bad things that happen to us, for His good. He can transform anything because HE IS PERFECT LOVE. But He won’t force us to let Him change it. He loves us, so He respects our free will. But if we’re brave enough to let go of it, THEN He can transform it, use it for good in our lives.

Romans 8:28 King James Version (KJV)

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

When I gave him my burden. When I let go of control, and cast out worry and anxiety, do you know what happened?

A breakthrough.

Everything is changing. Everything is rainbow bubbles.

taylor Golden
My Flashlight

This past year has been a doozy for us. Our first year of marriage includes buying and renovating a home, that home flooding 2 weeks after renovation with 5.5ft of water and no flood insurance, nearly dying during my rescue, discovering I was being slowly poisoned by breast implants-thus resulting in an explant surgery, infertility, retiring from my 12 year career in photography, starting a new job, and dealing with a never ending lawsuit.

It seems almost impossible for one person to handle it all in a 12 month span. People ask me “How are you smiling through all this?”.

Simple answer; Jesus.

Random fact about me; I hate being rushed. So much so that I wake up at 5am every morning to allow myself an hour to read a chapter from 4 different books, a half hour to putter around, and a 45 minutes to get ready for work. I would rather wake up at the crack of dawn than feel rushed in the morning.

Another part of my morning routine is while I am putting on makeup, I play a random sermon on YouTube- usually from Hope City. And ALWAYS my God knows exactly what I need to hear. This morning was no different. By the end of the sermon I was on my knees in my closet (where I do a lot of praying) tears streaming down my face-ruining the makeup I had just meticulously put on, with hands lifted high in praise.

In this sermon Pastor Jeremy talks about walking through the valley of the shadow of death. But the most beautiful part he pointed out was this; Do you know what causes a shadow?

Light.

In order to find our way through darkness, through trials, through hard times, we have to draw close to the light and let it lead us through that pit of despair. If for nothing else I am so thankful for all these seemingly impossible trials because it has forced me to cling to Jesus. He is in the valley with me, my own beautiful flashlight.

41c3077d9ea11ff054a5b44bdf4764be.jpg

It seems almost crazy to smile when someone from your past files a temporary restraining order against you for your blog posts. A scary monster leaping out from the shadows. But I smile, not because I think I’ll win, but because I don’t care. I shine my flashlight on the threat to reveal it for what it is; fear. I have Jesus, and that’s all I need.

If I never have doors, walls, or floors again, I have the shelter of His perfect love. If I lose in trial, He still waves His banner of victory over my heart. If I never get well, I will still rest knowing I will be transfigured to glory in heaven. If I never conceive a child, I have conceived love for my enemies. If I never achieve worldly success again, I have reprioritized life according to His perfect design.

So many times I have prayed for Him to take these trials away from me, to remove my enemies. But through the fire and refining my prayers have changed. Now instead of praying for the pain to cease, I pray as He did in the garden, for the strength to endure, to see it through.

It is BECAUSE of the trials, the sorrow, the pain, that I now comprehend and appreciate such blessings, joy, and hope.

What happened with the restraining order? It was thrown out. The trial? Still ongoing. I remember the days when I used to live in such fear. Being forced to walk away from everything I knew, everything I built, and everything I put before God. Walking away from a multi-million dollar business and lifestyle and leaving with basically nothing, turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I used to let other people use fear to control me, and now I have no fear.

2 Timothy 1:7 (TPT)

For God will never give you the spirit of fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love, and self-control.

God removed the barrier between us, prying it from my frightened hands, to show me a better way, to show me true love. Looking back I don’t recognize the person I used to be, frankly I’m disgusted. No amount of money, success, or fame, can ever tempt me to go back to that lifestyle. I would rather live an insignificant, modest life with Christ, than a millionaire, famous life without Him.

Even now, as contempt motions fly, deception is revealed, and it seems the trial will never end, I pray for my enemies and I smile. Because my God is good, and He uses all things for His plan for my life. I pray for peace, I pray that He uses this situation to deliver them, and I pray for the strength to endure.

I have never been happier, never felt more peace, and never had so much hope for the future. I shine my flashlight straight in front of me. It cuts through the dark, lights my path. My future is bright and it is yours Jesus.

Psalm 23 The Passion Translation (TPT)

The Good Shepherd

23 David’s poetic praise to God[a]
The Lord is my best friend and my shepherd.[b]
    I always have more than enough.
He offers a resting place for me in his luxurious love.[c]
    His tracks take me to an oasis of peace, the quiet brook of bliss.
That’s where he restores and revives my life.[d]
    He opens before me pathways to God’s pleasure
    and leads me along in his footsteps of righteousness[e]
    so that I can bring honor to his name.
Lord, even when your path takes me through
    the valley of deepest darkness,
    fear will never conquer me, for you already have!
    You remain close to me and lead me through it all the way.
    Your authority is my strength and my peace.[f]
    The comfort of your love takes away my fear.
    I’ll never be lonely, for you are near.
You become my delicious feast
    even when my enemies dare to fight.
    You anoint me with the fragrance of your Holy Spirit;[g]
    you give me all I can drink of you until my heart overflows.
So why would I fear the future?
    For your goodness and love pursue me all the days of my life.
    Then afterward, when my life is through,
    I’ll return to your glorious presence to be forever with you!

taylor Golden
The Empty Womb The Empty Tomb

1.5 years. That’s how long we’ve been trying. I know there are couples out there that have tried for years longer. Does it get any easier? Does the heartbreak and disappointment that comes every month when it’s evident yet again, you’re not pregnant, does it get easier?

My arms are empty. There’s no pitter patter in my hallways. No stacks of tiny dirty laundry. No tears I’m wiping from plump cherub cheeks. I try to hush the dirty lying voices in my head; “this is what you deserve.”

See when I was a teenager I fell in love, like every teenager does. We planned to get married as soon as we turned 18. But what happened instead was we ended up pregnant at 16. Shame hung it’s flag of victory over my head. Me, the good girl, straight A honor student, talented with a bright future, who once wore a promise ring of purity for her future husband. Now a pregnant teenager.

People spoke, people we trusted who thought they were helping us make the right decision. They convinced us, they scared us. “You’ll be poor and destitute the rest of your life.” I listened to the voices of guidance, I chanted what they said as I lay on the table in the clinic. Tears streamed down my face, I don’t want to do this. I love my baby. I resolve myself to stop. As I will myself to get up off the table, it’s too late. I lose consciousness.

I wake up and it’s all over, 5 minutes. So quick and so easy to take such a bright life. I hate myself. My boyfriend who I thought was the love of my life, the one where we shared wedding and future life plans together, he left me shortly after the procedure. October 30th, I’ll never forget this day. I mourn the loss, I grieve uncontrollably. I decide to name my baby, the size of a pea, Faith. Because of my lack of faith that ended their life. Guilt joins the flag pole and waves itself proudly. I am wretched, I am a hypocrite, and I’ll never deserve to have a baby.

This is the voice that has always haunted me since I made the worst decision of my life. And it roared loud like a forgotten beast in the depths of my mind when Brian and I had our miscarriage. “This is what I deserve.” She would be graduating high school next year. I wonder what wonderful things she would have done in this world, had she been given the chance. My poor Faith.

Yet I know, that is not my God. My God, and my Faith, they have both forgiven me, and I’ve also learned to forgive myself. But then why do the voices still whisper? Why the taunting, the fear that my punishment for such a sin must be barrenness. It’s the enemy. He feeds on the seed of fear and causes it to grow until it drowns out all that is true and good. He pulls on the flag pole chain, higher, higher, his flags fly. It’s a daily battle in my mind. Silencing the hiss of lies that I’ll never be granted the gift of a child.

Every month I cry. I sit and I wait in hopeful expectation, and then cry when it’s evident. Not this month. I wonder though what the reason is. I trust Him. I trust His perfect timing. I know there is a reason.

Just like when the women went to visit His tomb, they were grief stricken when they found it empty. They were expecting someone to be there, and He wasn’t. Was their grief like mine? If so then what joy they must have felt when He arrived in an unexpected way. The tomb was empty, but life reigned. And so I wait.

In my expectant waiting, I buy baby clothes, a crib, a bassinet, just hoping I’ll need it soon.

I wait for life to reign. Whether it happens in my womb, in a child waiting to be rescued in Africa, or a baby in Texas waiting for someone to tell them; “You are loved, and you are mine, let’s go home.” My God is faithful and He is good. There is a lesson to be learned in the waiting and in the wanting.

I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you. John 14:18

I have prayed for the souls of my future children for over 2 years now. I pray that God would make me the mother I need to be in order to help them become all that He has destined for them to be.

And so this morning, another month with a sorrowful empty womb. I hit my knees, bow my head, and raise my hands. A sign of submission. “Lord, burn the flagpole in my heart. Tear it to the ground. And wave your banner of love high over me. I love you, and I trust you.”

To my future babies. I love you, and I can’t wait to meet you.

Faithfully,

Your Mama

ad6a6f9dd593eb05e135dc57d5994e54.jpg
4070cd601d7c82f3c422042a125a86ec.jpg
f00ee00fc6681922293d4f1612db064f.jpg
taylor Golden